sharing is caring? or hating?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I like nonsense - it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope... and that enables you to laugh at all of life's realities.
- Dr Seuss

I donnoe of what to put here, so quotes even i don't understand will be betterrrr.well, ma problem uh."
4 : 8 ;
Friday, May 22, 2009
pouring out 11:30 PM

May Peace BE Upon TO You.

finally ma lappy is bck in action.LOL
but it cost me $53.30! fcuking ex!
im alr broke!
damn!

mr.eye candy is talki to me.
he's true colours cmin out.
in a gd way.
he love to laugh.
n i love looki at him.LOL

thrs this time i think i lookd too deep into his eyes tht he felt uncomfortable n lookd away.
then i realise.
LOL.

he effing attractive la!haha

sometimes i wonder if they even rembr ma name,
serious.

im nowhr in their list.
well its nt tht i WANT to b. but at least acknowledge tht we use to b frns or sth,
some ppl ask.
they r ur friends.? than why isnt ur link thr.?
n ma usual reason will be..''i dont think they know i hv a blog.''even though i invite em, told em to link n stuff.
hmm.sad.
*shrug*

stayd in sch til 9pm.in the lib.
n 1 of ma lect mate actually say this to me.
"surprisingly u stayd bck"
i ws like wtf.?
why must it always be "surpirsingly" when it comes to me.?
why r u guys underestimating me.
i screw u guys for this.

does making me feel left out not enuf for u guys.?
i ws fcking irrirated.serious.tears startd to blur ma vision.
n yes, i cry when im angry.it will just start pouring.this happens ONLY if i didnt fight bck.yeap.
why is thr always sth bout me tht u guys dislike.

i didnt talk to sandhya tht much aft she shushs me during lect.
it wsnt s if i ws talking bout other things, i ws askin luqman bout the topic.
n she said this to me.
''fadilah! please keep quiet n listen to the lecturer.pleaaaase.! thaaaank youuuuu"
like tht. i ws like wtf.? u sat seats away frm me, n i ws whispering n u cn fcking hear me.?
i ws soooooo pissed.
i didnt say anything to her. i ws looking at her.

humans... VERY JUDGEMENTAL!
i fcking hate it la!
n 1 thing,u NEVER call me fadilah.NEVER!

nxt day, she happens to b in the ladies i went.
i ignored her.
she said ''hi'' n all i did ws staring into the soul of ma own reflection.
till she said it again..n i just nod.

didnt smile at her n all.
serious. they've been treating me like crap.and im tired of keeping it.
......................................

I WANNA TATOO MA EYE, THE WHITE AREA!
its possible.! sw it on tv. i ws like.. cool!
oh n i wanna implants horns, and split ma tongue with piercings.
hmm.. only IF its nt a taboo to ma religion.hmm.
.......................................

nana ws pouring out to me tht luqman is treating her differently s compare to our 1st yr.
hmm. then i ws thinking..mayb..she's trying to say tht she's refering to me.
kos during our 1st yr,i fought with em.
im always alone.
mixing with ind classmates n china classmates.
then.. sem 2, i mix with em.

n i got to know tht they actually say.." Fad actually gerek, but we realise it late."

n luqman actually told me "i am more comfortable with u than nana."
n nana ws sayin luqman chgd towards her.
like dont like nana ard.
do u think its realated.?
they use to be BEST buddies u know.
n aft i ws invited to spend time with em, ppl chg.

so yeah, im guilty.
*sigh deeply*

nana ws telling me hw she felt left out since she's no longer spent time with us like we used to since she hv to repeat some modules.
n i ws telling her, tht her assumptions is extremely stupid.
kos i do update her.
like the "summarised" class meetings, eye cndy. ALL!
hmm

then thrs this time she ate in the toilet just because she dont hv any1 to eat with.
she hates eatin along.
she ws tellin gme, she ws crying.

but she didnt know tht i DID the same thing.
kos i hv no one to eat with.
n i AM AFRAID OF PPL.
i avoid crowds. i hate the sight of humas ard me.
yeap. thus i went to this air-conditioned toilet, n ate in thr.
yeap, disgusting, but i aint hv any choice.hmm
i actually felt sad for maself.

nana really shdnt do tht.
she hv no fear of crowd.

i sorta force her to let it out.
n she felt relief aft tht.

so, she ws actuall blaming luqman. when i realise its ma fault.
hmm.
...................................

thr's this greedy thing in me who is lookin for love.
its embarrassing. but its the truth.

mayb bcoz im nt in gd terms with ma family.
epecially parents.
thts why im craving for a relationship.
please, im nt a despo.
LOL

i read ma ex-classmate's blog, zul.
i realise, her bro left hm. n nw her dad wants her to leave.
she got scoldings in the morn, ust b4 she went to sch.
sad.. but i somehw think ma situation is worse.
more like pathetic!

oh btw, bout the grp meeting, i realise one of ma grp mmbrs dont really like out current grp.
she wanna b with mushi n eugene.
thus, we hv to reshuffle the whole grp.hmm
tnx eh. i ws a lil pissed. but every1 hv their rights. so i shut up.(:
thrs only 20plus ppeps in ma class.
so...some possibilities.

1st grp:
-vani
-mushi
-sandhya
-diana
-eugene

2nd grp:
-nazira
-adeline
-jess
-rachel
-

3rd grp:
-sze en
-ruijie
-xiao xin
-me
-

left with:
-huijie
-huxin
-jiayin
-sheikh
-luqman
-yi qing
-fatin
-
luqma told me before hand tht he wants to join ma grp if the class were to reshuffle.
hmm.
we'll see.
hw the hell they r goin to elect the leaders.
we'll see.

i need monaymonaymonay!

aite,
till i hv sth to share.
-blacklips.

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